Trapped inside the womb of DEPRESSION

Every human being is the author of his own health or disease – Siddharth Gautama.

Depression is a prolonged period of feeling sad. It’s an illness that keeps us alive but mentally absent around your surroundings.

I did a mistake and lost the trust of my folks, my career is on crucial peek and my loved one broke my heart and fled. And I lost everything and I’m left with nothing but regret.

People try and hide their feelings as it’s seems like embarrassment to them. This embarrassment is often hidden behind smiling faces, pretending to be happy.

I often think, I’m blessed with such a wonderful family and group of friends, why would I be depressed? It’s hard to talk to people when you don’t know how’ll they react. From past few months, I’ve found people talking behind my back , saying that I’m seeking sympathy or, that it’s happens with everyone. But I was seeking someone who would understand.

People are so quick to judge us every time. Hence, its been difficult for me to fake a smile and pretend to be happy. The circumstances in my life have led to a breakdown.

Not knowing HOW to express my feelings has impacted my own personal life. This is hard to deal because I either want to scream and shout about how hard I’m going through it, or I just want to run far away and hide, which is unfair to the people I love the most.

At the age of 20 ,where a girl should be dwelling her life to the fullest, I’m in the middle of “traffic lights” of life.
Being from a conservative family, I felt more wrecked and restricted my own thoughts. I kind of lost my friend circle too, which you need the most in bad times of your life.

My home is like cage for me now and I have started to feel like a parrot who’s stuck in that cage. I’ve been continuously slammed and buzzed by my own friends and relatives, which has made my faith and respect drenched .

Engaging yourself in things around you and pretending to be fine, does not heal you. At that point you start feeling the things buried inside you. It’s like your soul has been pulled out from your body, and you are left with a framework.
You may have suicidal thoughts because the things are haunting you . You’ll try to do it , but won’t get successful as you’ve got this one life.

I spent months trying to heal myself but it’s not making any difference. As those things are coming upon me as bullets shot from a gun.
I cried a lot. I harmed myself a lot. I tried to be okay , but nothing made it any better..

My birthday ended bad, festivals ended bad, and the year too.
Entering into new year was a hope to me to do well, but still, my sorrow is not going anywhere. Everything hurts me so bad that I’m unable to bring back “Me” to my own life.
It’s difficult to survive when you feel lost in the crowd of your own thoughts.

I sleep through the daylight, not eating, not doing anything, just being stuck in the spot, drifting in and out of consciousness. That wasn’t just because I was ‘lazy’, I wasn’t just ‘heartbroken’ , I was anxious and felt unworthy and broken.

I started to feel my emotions for the very first time , for someone, but my love was ditched so badly and he was gone from my life. Being so in love, with the person, whom I bestowed upon all my sentiments, brought me so much hurt and remorse.

I also lost my passion, my dream, my goal that I was preparing to achieve in the process.
Still, I haven’t lost hope about my passion and career because it’s the only thing which will lead me to sanity. I am certain about my hard work and I’m sure of my success.

Some did walk away but some stuck around and , I’m thankful for both because, I know it’s difficult to support someone who is unable to admit that something wrong.

After some time, I realised I have to become strong and courageous. I went to the one’s who are close to me, I was told to “get a grip” and just try and be happy.
It has taken so much hard work to get to a point where I was ready, I feel I have the support of my family, that they are serious about me. This is true, at your bad times, your biggest support is your FAMILY.

I want the people that have touched the feelings of nothingness , pain or guilt, the people who feel it consuming , I want them to know our feelings are legitimate, we all deserve to be listened to, and we are all in this together.